Kai-chan (therealkaichan) wrote in mea_maximaculpa,

“You hate yourself even more.”
Just a statement, no greeting, no smiles, no bad intentions, just a statement.
“I do.”
An answer.

Kushiel looked over his shoulder to see the kid sitting there, a big smile on his face. Besides the Door to Heaven, in the place where Sammael would sit back when the three of them guarded the Passages.
He looked a lot like him too. It had to be the hair, or the eyes.
The smile… Well, his smile was more like Buer’s. Sammael was quite reluctant when it came to smiling.

“You should ask him to let you go, then.” Oh, and he was subtle.
“I still have things to do, kid.” There was Adya. And his last promise to Buer. That sucked.
“Why hate yourself? You didn’t do it. You’d be in hell if you had.” Yes. Subtle like the flaming sword that killed Samm.
“I am.”

A sigh from the boy. He had to be around sixteen, Kushiel thought while looking at him. His smile made him look twelve, but his eyes were not twelve or sixteen… And he was just like his mother, the kid knew too much about death, but understood nothing about life.
“Then go and tell him. Tell him you hate him, tell him you wish he could die so you could kill him, tell him of everything you feel. He is waiting for you to just go and say it.”
“Of course he is. If I break the contract I go to hell, and he has his revenge against the guy that took his precious spare body.”
“That’s silly.” Ophel remarked, another smile on his face.
“Yeah… But say, how would you feel if someone took away the person most loved to you?” He asked, sitting on his usual place without even thinking.
“Oh, I’d be fuming. I’d kill anyone who took Neriah away.”

Neriah. The other kid, his bother, and the one he was married to…
Maybe a few centuries back, Kushiel would have been disgusted by the sound of that. Of course, Kushiel was over his old angelic customs. And he had fallen in love with a Traitor and with a Demon. It would be quite hypocritical from him.

“But he didn’t take them away. Sammael chose to be his vessel. And Buer… I don’t know that much about him, but he was also willing, you know grandfather can’t take the bodies of those who don’t want him to.”
“Yeah. Big news.”
“You are angry, and sad, and alone…” Ophel got up from his place and inched closer, looking at Kushiel with concerned eyes. The angel felt like laughing but did not; this was serious stuff for the kid.
“More big news.”
“If you had your revenge, would you feel better?”

Forget the ‘serious stuff’ tag, Kushiel was laughing now, laughing like he hadn’t in years. This kid was amusing beyond logic.
“And how are you supposed to fix that?” He asked, once his laughter died down. Ophel took no offense in his mocking tone.
“That’s why I’m here.”

“Ah.” Kushiel chuckled bitterly. He was the Guardian for Buer’s wife. He was the shadow that stood one step behind his daughter, and now his grandson was going to kick his ass seven ways into next week for being a traitor. Boy, was he screwed.
“You can’t be blamed for loving and being loved. Love and faith are the only real paths to salvation…”
“But I can be blamed for hating, and for failing a contract.”
“But I’m no judge.”

“Oh.” Well, maybe he was going to survive. That sounded great right now.
“Take your revenge on me. I can’t die either, so I can’t give you that, but I can be hurt, and cry.”
“You are crazy, kid.” Kushiel chuckled. Torn between thinking the boy was nuts and thinking this was some psychotic test by Death to see if he would actually hurt the young Mr. Priest and Grandson.
“I’m not. It’s sad to see you there, guarding the Gates alone. It is so unfair that you lost your loved ones and you can’t even do a thing because it was their choice…!” Ophel trailed off, and looked at the Gates of Hell, the concern in his eyes growing. “You are living hell, and you have already paid for your mistakes… You don’t have to pay for mistakes you didn’t make.”

Silence filled the Passage again.
“This is the most fucked up test ever.” Kushiel chuckled.
“This is not a test.” The boy was looking serious for the first time. “I will be him tonight. And you can take your revenge in any way you like.”
“No, I won’t.”
“I look lot like him, don’t I?” Ophel chuckled at that. “A lot like mother and a lot like Sammael did… The hair is shorter. But I have the eyes, and the skin, and even a bit of the voice…” Carefully, he gave a step towards the angel. “I can talk in a colder way if you want me to. I can talk like he does, I can move like he does… Not even mother knows him as well as I do.”
“Not funny. Not funny at all.”
”You can have me… Have me any way you want it. You can hit me; you can cut and tear, do whatever you like…” The kid’s voice dropped, he sounded less and less like the child that had appeared just a few minutes ago. “I can call you in the way he would call you as you fuck me, in the same cold way using just your Number. Push me against the Door to Hell if you want to, here where everyone can see, have me dry and humiliate me, it’s up to your wishes.”
“You don’t understand. Stop this stupid game, boy.”
“Make me stop, Number Two.” The voice was there. For a moment Kushiel had doubts. Wondered if it was Death, laughing at him again.

And all of his doubts flew away when the boy got on his knees.

Kushiel was scared to death, no pun intended.
During five hours, he had let his anger flow freely. He had been nervous at first, filled with doubt and fear. He had hit. And the kid had taunted. Had talked to him in that voice... Such pathetic strength… No wonder you couldn’t keep any of them with you.
He had broken a few bones, he was sure. At least the one on his right arm had done a sickly satisfactory crack when he grabbed it. Maybe a rib, or two, the boy healed awfully quickly, and only a few small bruises were marking his sleeping body now.

He had shown no more pain than a few winces, and Kushiel had hit harder. He had taken him four times; one against each door, and the last on the floor where he was resting.
Each was rougher than the one before, he had done it until the boy started crying, he made him scream himself raw, until he could no longer use that voice. He had felt tissue tear, and blood flow… And each time he entered again, it was as if the time before hadn’t even existed. He was unharmed and clean, ready to get torn again, and how he enjoyed it...

And now, sitting in the floor with his back turned to the boy, Kushiel was scared to death, and not of the consequences of what he had just done (he actually didn’t give a damn if the bastard decided to kill him now), but of what had been building inside of himself.

“Don’t be afraid of yourself.” The soft voice came from the no longer sleeping Ophel. “It’s all right now.”
“Are you all right?” He didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see, didn’t want and didn’t know why.
“Yeah. I’m just a little tired.”
“Tired…” Kushiel chuckled and flinched when he felt the soft arms around his torso.
“Today you hated me and hurt me… And I took your anger happily.” Ophel smiled, letting his forehead rest in the angel’s back.
“Are you ready for the hardest part, Kushiel?” The voice was sweet now, as were the caresses.
“Kill me already.” The angel chuckled bitterly. Had it come to this? Killed in such a loving embrace?
“I want you to love me, Kushiel. Love me like you loved Sammael, like you loved my grandfather. Swear you’ll love me; swear you’ll protect me like you are protecting grandmother…”
“You play with fire boy… If I love you you’ll end up dead. Like they all do.”
“I can’t die, beautiful Kushiel. Be mine and I won’t ever let you down.” A whisper against his neck.
“I’m yours, boy. I was ever since you entered this room.” He chuckled again. “I don’t really believe you will live anyway. So prove me wrong.”
“I will. Now be silent, and love me. I will love you back, and help you find your salvation.”

Kushiel was still angry, and still hated his Master and himself. Still wanted to kill Death, and still wanted his loved ones back even when it was impossible. He knew that in a way he had been manipulated in the same way that Sammael and Buer had before him.
But he was loved. And for some stupid reason, it made everything a lot better.

... sabes. Creo que Ophel va a joder a todo el universo o va a salvar el mundo. Va a hacer que la mayoria de la gente lo ame enfermizamente, va a cambiar el mundo junto a esa gente que lo ama.... Y le va a salir, contrariamente a remm o samm.
Porque es Ophel. Y me asusta.

So, Neriah, opiniones en lo que acaba de pasar? XDDDDD *se escapa*
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